Beards are everywhere these days. People have taken to sporting the facial fluff like it’s going out of fashion.
What’s important to remember: No matter how good your ex’s beard is, there’s always going to be an animal with a better one.
1. Seal – just about everywhere
No, not ‘Kiss from a Rose’ Seal. We might not have seen him for a while, but we don’t think he has a massive beard. If he did, we’d know.
2. Orangutan – Borneo and Sumatra
Men often find that for no reason, in particular, their beard turns ginger when it gets to a certain length. This has been a concern for centuries, but for no reason. The orangutan is a testament to just how handsome a massive ginger beard can be.
3. Highland cattle – Scotland
The highland cattle have an extra-special place on this list (last, and therefore best place) because their entire body is essentially a beard. You cannot have met a highland cattle and dispute this. We have emailed UNESCO and requested that all highland cattle be declared a UNESCO World Heritage Site because of this fact.
4. Bison – North America
Bison are most well known for having massive heads. A lesser-known fact about bison is that fact that they also have massive beards. They also have a haircut that is almost identical to that of Captain Spock.
5. Goat – Southwest Asia and Eastern Europe (originally)
The goat is probably the most famous of all the bearded animals, having featured in such films as Goat Wars: Revenge of the Beards and The Lion, the Witch, and the Massive Goat’s Beard.
6. Most dogs – just about everywhere
How many dogs have you seen with massive beards? Our guess is more than you’ve seen without beards. Special mention goes to Schnauzers, Scottish terriers, West Highland terriers and bearded collies. Apologies to those dogs who didn’t make this list. There’s always next year.
7. Ibex – Europe
Graceful, horned, elegant, agile, massive beard.
8. Iguana – Central America and Polynesia
Mostly reptile, partly beard.