1. Monkey Burglars are the New Cat Burglars:
A London man was shocked to come home to an uninvited guest. A large chimpanzee had broken into his home through a window and was making off with his cell phone. Afraid of sustaining ser.io us in.juri.es the man didn’t try to get his phone back, but the chimp has been on a spree, ro.bbing at least one other home in the area. Who knows, maybe the chimp was just trying to phone home!
2. Monkey Artiste Outsells Warhol, Renoir:
Hanging a Renoir or even a Warhol original in your home represents wealth, sophistication, and an appreciation for real art. Hanging up monkey drawings? We’re still a little unsure on that one. But American Howard Hong decided to gamble away more than $25,000 at an auction at Bonhams in London for a collection of paintings created by the chimpanzee Congo. No one bought the Renoir or the Warhol.
3. Chimps, not People:
A human name does not a human make. Such is the plight of Matthew Hiasl Pan, an Austrian chimpanzee whose human friends are fighting to make his “personhood” official. Since the animal shelter where he grew up went bankrupt, activists are trying to find another place for him to live, which requires the help of donors. Under Austrian law, “only a person can receive personal gifts,” or donations. But what kind of precedent would the courts set if they awarded human rights to chimps?
4. How did that get there?
In August 2007, a man was detained at New York City’s La Guardia airport for traveling with a marmoset monkey under his hat. The man traveled with the monkey from Lima, Peru, to Ft. Lauderdale, FL, and then on to New York. According to the article, “When passengers noticed the fist-sized primate on the flight, they asked the man “if he knew he had a monkey on him.” Um, we bet he did
5. Puff Goes the Monkey:
Most humans recognize that sm.ok.ing is h.a.rmful to your health, even if they decide to keep on s.mo.king. Chimpanzees, though, might need a bit of extra coaching. Charlie, a chimp in a South African zoo, was a s.m o.ker, a habit he apparently developed by watching his visitors s.m o.ke cigarettes. Poor Charlie would scramble to pick up the c.ig.are.ttes after they were thrown into his cage, and then “he p.u.f.fs away,” much to the chagrin of his handlers.
6. Monkey Learns to Chaperone Pigs:
This next monkey story is also about a primate turned caregiver in India. Earlier this year, a farmer discovered that a monkey had wandered onto his farm, and “impressed by its gentle manner,” the farmer fed him and took care of him, ultimately welcoming him into his family. Eventually, the “duty-conscious monkey” began helping around the farm, “head[ing] out with the herd” of pigs “at 6 am daily and bring them back home by evening.” Unfortunately for the farmer, though, the monkey has recently begun attacking piglets. It just goes to show: never trust a monkey.
7. My Nanny, the Monkey:
In India’s Dhenkanal district, in the state of Orissa, a simian monkey has become one baby’s daytime nanny. Arriving at the baby’s home each morning like a regular human babysitter, the monkey sits next to the child and plays with it all day while its mother works. At first, “the parents of the infant were scared and reluctant to allow a monkey to come near the child,” but they “now treat the monkey as family.”
8. SWAT Monkey:
An Arizona SWAT team debated back in 2005 over whether or not to invite a special trooper to their unit. No, it’s not another German Shepherd. It’s a little capuchin monkey weighing in at a miniscule 3 pounds. The SWAT officers plan to dress the monkey in a special vest equipped with a small video camera while he unlocks doors and searches buildings. It may sound cute, but I think a German Shepherd fits the SWAT image better than a 3-pound monkey.